Keywords by David Yonke

Check out this amusing video on YouTube. I don't know how I came across it but I was looking for something about U2 and this popped up. Amazing editing job.
* * *
Last night was my daughter Dana and her husband Matt's 1-year anniversary. We went over to their house for dinner, along with the rest of the extended family, and then watched a video of the wedding. (The happy couple are going to Chicago for the Labor Day weekend to celebrate their anniversary, otherwise they would have celebrated by themselves last night, Dana informed me.)
It's amazing that a year has passed already. The video was great, extremely well done by a real pro, Ron Matanick of Toledo.
It's hard for me to watch myself on video but I guess the cameras do not lie, right? I got to watch my stint with the band, playing guitar at the reception on a couple of songs including "Margaritaville," which my pastor loves to remind me of ... all in good fun (I think). I had a blast.
The Jimmy Buffett tune is not the most spiritual choice of songs, but it's one of the few that I know how to play ;-)
Going to Matt & Dana's, I missed the opening night of the Democratic National Convention and Michelle Obama's speech, and I also missed the Nine Inch Nails concert in Toledo.
Kind of an odd combination of misses.
I'm not a fan of NIN but that group puts on an amazing show, one of the most expensive and elaborate productions you'll ever see. You've got to give credit where credit is due. And my friend John is the promoter so whenever he's in town I enjoy hanging out with him backstage.
Trent Reznor, the band's lead singer, was supposed to do an interview with me but he blew it off. I know his voice is raw and he needs to rest it but I sent him questions by email, so he could have typed out his answers if he truly cared about selling tickets and promoting his own show. I guess the word on the street about him is true, he's a bit of a pompous jerk. I don't usually believe the gossip because I've found firsthand that it's often wrong, but this could be a case where it's right.
Not that I care personally about interviewing Reznor, but his failure to come through made it a hassle to write an article in advance of the show. The interview was on, then off, then on, then off. I waited 'til the absolute last minute and when he didn't write or call I had to scramble to come up with something interesting and then stayed up writing 'til the wee hours of the morning.
I write music articles for fun and to make a little extra money in these tough economic times. But the NIN scenario was a royal pain and not worth the time or money. I did the best I could, however, with what I had. Here's the preview article.
As an example of the kind of guy Reznor is, he recorded one of his albums in the L.A. house where Manson's followers murdered Sharon Tate. Then he called the studio "Le Pig," mocking the words scrawled on the Tate mansion wall in blood. Great sense of humor, huh?
When he moved to New Orleans, he moved into a former funeral home. The guy apparently has a death fetish.
Rod Lockwood reviewed last night's concert. Here's a link.
Note that he said there were about 3,000 people at the show. This is a group that used to sell out 20,000-seat arenas. Nine Inch Nails is getting a bit rust-covered.
* * *
Sylvania, Ohio
August 26, 2008

Here are a few notable quotes from Nobel Prize winners...

* Werner Heisenberg, the inventor of the Uncertainty Principle in quantum mechanics, composed this epitaph for his tombstone: “He lies here, somewhere.”
* Al Gore, 2007 Nobel Peace Prize winner: “The future will be better tomorrow.”
* Niels Bohr, 1922 Nobel Prize in Physics winner, explaining why he had a horseshoe above his door: “I certainly do not believe in superstition. But you know, they say it does bring luck even if you don’t believe in it!”

-- From David Pratt's book The Impossible Takes Longer; The 1,000 Wisest Things Ever Said By Nobel Prize Laureates (Walker & Company, 2007)

1. The Large Hadron Collider Rap, by Michigan State graduate and science writer Kate McAlpine. Check it out here.

2. Skinny white French teen Matt Rach playing incredible Jimi Hendrix riffs in his bedroom. Click here.

3. Furniture salesman rapper.

4. My daughter Lisa playing Fergie in a terrific church version of "Glamorous" with a message -- keep an eye out for the senior pastor, the Rev. Jeremy DeWeerdt, as the blonde haired rapper in an oversized jacket. Click here.

* * *
Sylvania, OH
Sept. 8, 2008

The Rev. Joe Wingo, founder of Angel Food Ministries, gave a talk last night about his group that provides groceries at reduced prices for needy families -- starting as a small program run out of his house to now feeding 500,000 families nationwide every month.
He said that when he was a teenager with long hair, he asked his dad if he could use the car. His father said yes, if he got a haircut. When Joe responded that Jesus had long hair, his father replied: "Yes, and he walked everywhere he went."
* * *
Washington, D.C.
Sept. 20, 2008

By Andy Borowitz

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009
season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar
al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.

The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his
performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at
President George W. Bush.

While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great
velocity and good movement," said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.

"The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down
the middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said.

The Yankee boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi's
fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him.

"That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston," he said.

(Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New
Yorker.)

Thanks to John Gibbs Rockwood for bringing this to my attention. I'm only sorry that the Indians didn't get him!

From David Letterman's book of Top Ten Lists:

Top Ten Signs You're in an Unsafe Airport

10. Parking lot has sign: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CARS DAMAGED BY FALLING AIRCRAFT.

9. Machines sell insurance just for your time in the airport.

8. You see a limo driver holding up a sign: AVOWED TERRORIST.

7. Mary Jo Buttafuoco walks through metal detector without her bullet setting it off.

6. The ground crew is bringing the jet fuel to the plane in their cupped hands.

5. At check-in, agent reminds you you're limited to two carry-on explosives.

4. Runways have passing lanes.

3. As you board plane, gate attendant says, 'You poor s.o.b."

2. Cheering crowd has gathered in lounge around a pilot doing ten shots of Stoli in a row.

... and the No. 1 sign you are in an unsafe airport...

1. Hijackers are allowed to preboard.

(I'm going to miss my daily New Yorker cartoon catalogue. I should get a new one for 2009).

AP Photo NYET509!

From the Associated Press:

The Village People’s first cop wants a revamped version of the group to stop using his likeness and voice.
The lawsuit filed last week in San Diego by Victor Willis claims companies continue to use his voice and picture to promote the new Village People. He is seeking at least $1 million and a judge’s order that they can no longer use his image or voice.
Willis was the original police officer in the group and helped pen the Village People’s greatest hits, including “Y.M.C.A” and “Macho Man.”

My response? Lock this guy up and throw away the key for forcing every wedding reception in America in perpetuity to listen to, and dance along with, YMCA. It was a fun song in its time but can't the DJ's find something else? And not the Chicken Dance or the Macarena, por favor.
* * *

Saw a couple of funny signs at a muffler shop in Perrysburg:
"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted."
and
"Why does your nose run and your feet smell?"

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS
FOR A SALARY INCREASE...

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$of u$.We are worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$what I meant and re$pond $oon.

Your$$incerely,

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must haveNOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

---- Your Boss
* * *

Toledo, Ohio
February 10, 2009

Here are some questions and answers taken from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles Sevilla. The quotes are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters.
This snapshot of the American legal system has been making the rounds by email and the internet for years, but I can't resist posting a few of the better ones...
Hope you get a laugh out of them, or at least a chuckle....

____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNE Y: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in
the
toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
ME??!!


You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5.. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.(if you have a car)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can Live in Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.



You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's
important to know the difference, too.



You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he
stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"



AND You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Two bumper stickers really caught my eye tonight:

"Still pissed at Yoko"

and

"Right-wing whacko clinging to guns and religion"

just kidding, folks!

I got this via email -- it's not my own creation but was too funny not to share!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car
and three kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance
classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his three kids, keep his assigned
house clean, correct all homework, complete science
projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend"
bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget money for
groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends
and relatives and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's
appointment, a dentist appointment, and a haircut
appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per
child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned
house, planting flowers outside, and keeping it presentable
at all times.

The men will have access to television only when the kids
are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn
themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, and keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure
severe abdominal cramps and back aches and have extreme,
unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down
from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings and church and find
time at least once each week to spend the afternoon at the
park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in
the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth, and
comb their hair by 7:00 a.m.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each
father will be required to know all of the following
information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe
size, clothing size, and doctor's name. He also must know
the child's weight and length at birth, time of birth, and
length of labor; and each child's favorite color, middle
name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink,
favorite toy, and biggest fear. He also will know what they
all want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The
last man wins only if he still has enough energy to spend
quality time with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning
the right to be called Mother!

* * *
Which reminds me... I was driving north from Bowling Green just last week, moseying along in my Saab doing about 60 mph on State Rt. 25.
It's kind of a straight stretch of a four-lane highway that cuts through flat farmland. As I was minding my own business, not totally concentrating on the driving but not doing anything wrong, what seemed like a rocket ship zoomed by me in the left lane. Startled by the sight and sound, I quickly gathered that it was a fairly new, silver Chevy Corvette that was going at least 160 miles per hour -- and probably closer to 180.
I have been to many races and know what I'm talking about here -- this is not an exaggeration. I was passed by a car going at least 100 mph faster than I was, and I was 5 mph over the speed limit at the time!
I couldn't believe how fast the person was driving on a public highway. Fortunately nobody pulled into his or her lane at that speed...
I've topped 150 mph in a car, but it was in a full race car and I was on a race track. It's quite an exhilarating feeling. Every nerve ending in your body is on high alert. But I would never do that on a highway... unless it was the autobahn. Or the Arizona desert with a radar detector... Or ... well it all depends.
But I will never be a contender for being ticketed for the highest speed over the posted limit. That honor belongs (unofficially, since no official records in this category are kept) to a 20-year-old motorcylist in Minnesota who was clocked by a police state patrol airplane at 205 mph -- in a 65 mph zone.
Here's a link to the amazing USA Today story about the 2-wheeled speed demon and his record-setting ticket.
* * *
Sylvania, Ohio
April 23, 2009

You've heard of Small Craft Advisories for sailors, now we're going to need a Small Dog Advisory for owners of little foo-foo dogs. Now that we've got our own little five-pound doggie, maybe we should invest in a pair of lead boots for her on gusty Midwestern days....

From the Associated Press:

The Utleys happily reunited with Tinker Bell.

WATERFORD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Tinker Bell has been reunited with her owners after a 70-mph gust of wind picked up the six-pound Chihuahua and tossed her out of sight. Dorothy and Lavern Utley credit a pet psychic for guiding them on Monday to a wooded area nearly a mile from where 8-month-old Tinker Bell had been last seen. The brown long-haired dog was dirty and hungry but otherwise OK.

The Utleys, of Rochester, had set up an outdoor display Saturday at a flea market in Waterford Township, 25 miles northwest of Detroit. Tinker Bell was standing on their platform trailer when she was swept away.

Dorothy Utley said her cherished pet "just went wild" upon seeing her.

* * *
Toledo, Ohio
May 2, 2009

Spotted this amusing bumper sticker in a parking lot yesterday:

NEUTER YOUR PETS (and weird friends and relatives, too) www.toledohumanesociety.com

In the mode of one-thing-leads-to-another, when I was writing a blog on President Obama and Notre Dame, it reminded me of the story about a Notre Dame fan who sued the tattoo artist over a spelling mistake (see previous entry) which led me to do a little searching online about the topic which led me to one of the funniest stories I've ever heard about semi-permanent ink-stained mistakes.

In that entry, I put a link to the blog about it, published by the Toronoto Sun. But for those who don't want to go to the link, here's a brief highlight from the blog:

"BBC News reported last year that Brit teen Joanne Raine had the Chinese characters for her boyfriend’s nickname — "Roo" — tattooed on her stomach. After Roo dumped Joanne, she found out the Chinese symbols actually meant "supermarket.""

(Raine had picked the Chinese characters for “R” “O” and “o” — so all the symbols would be different — but the Chinese for kangaroo (“roo”) would be just one symbol.)

* * *
At least "supermarkets" will be around for a long time, unlike some relationships.
* * *
There have been other notable mistakes involving tattoos and oriental symbols. You are taking a big risk if you have a tattoo artist stain your skin with Chinese or Japanese symbols which you can't read or translate.

Here's more on the topic from the Sun's blog, deftly penned by Al Parker:

In another case of mistaken calligraphy, American Lee Beck sued his tattooist after finding out the Chinese characters that were supposed to say “Love honor and obey” actually said “This boy is ugly.”

A tattoo that was supposed to say “Blood and guts” was a bit too literal in its Chinese form: “Blood and intestines.”
* * *
The last item reminds me of another one of my favorite "Lost in Translation" stories: The famous Fats Waller tune, "Ain't Misbehavin'," was published in Russia with the following title: "I'm Not Doing Anything Wrong."
It may be technically correct, but the dull, dry Russian version definitely doesn't capture the mischievous spirit of the song title.
* * *
btw, President Obama's Notre Dame commencement address will begin shortly. CNN is reporting that he "will not shy away" from the abortion controversy and will address the issue.
It also reported that some ND students have taped photos of aborted fetuses atop their caps in protest.
What a horrible image to display during a graduation ceremony.
* * *
Toledo, Ohio
May 17, 2009

Here are a few quotes from the late, great comedian (Julian) Groucho Marx:

"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."

"There's one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"

"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."

"Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"I remember the first time I had sex -- I kept the receipt."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

... but I've been to New Orleans a few times. Next year if I can't be in Pamplona maybe I'll head to the Big Easy for this unique and creative variation of the "Running of the Bulls." See you there? -- David

Armed with foam-core bats, the Big Easy Rollergirls
will chase hard-core runners through French Quarter

Keith I. Marszalek / NOLA.COM

Members of the Big Easy Rollergirls, from left, Monica Ferroe, Jordan Blanton, Sherri Montz and Jamie Schmill -- get ready to take to the streets at last year's San Fermin in Nueva Orleans. Editor's note: View photos and video from the 2009 "Running of the Bulls" in New Orleans

by Molly Reid,
Staff writer, The Times-Picayune

When Mickey Hanning first saw the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona on television when he was 15, he knew that one day he would travel to Spain and be in that number.

What he didn't know was that he would bring the tradition to life in his hometown of New Orleans, spawning a national trend.

Hanning is a co-founder of San Fermin in Nueva Orleans: The Running of the Bulls in New Orleans, happening Saturday. Modeled after the festival of San Fermin in Spain, which started Tuesday, the local event involves hundreds of people in white and red gathering at 8 a.m. to run through the streets of the French Quarter. But instead of running from bulls, they will be running from something equally fearsome: the Big Easy Rollergirls. Armed with foam-core bats and wearing horns on their helmets.

"There's just such a raw, chaotic environment, infused with energy, " said Dylan O'Donnell, another co-founder of the event.

Hanning made good on his adolescent promise to go to Pamplona in 2002, but it wasn't until Mardi Gras 2007 that he saw a friend dressed up in white and red as a San Fermin runner, or correro, and was inspired to bring the festival home. Hanning approached O'Donnell, already a celebrated party planner, with the idea, and "his eyes lit up and that was it, " Hanning said.

"It was just a perfect fit, " O'Donnell said. "There's a costuming element, and as a native New Orleanian, that really appealed to me."

"And, we're a former Spanish colony, " Hanning added.

It didn't take long for them to envision a fleet of horned, bat-wielding, skirt-wearing roller skaters. O'Donnell's wife, Tracey, is a member of the Big Easy Rollergirls.

The first year's festival was advertised solely through a MySpace event page and word of mouth, and 250 people turned out. In 2008, the number grew to more than 600. This year, organizers are hoping for more than 1,000 runners, including out-of-towners. San Fermin in Nueva Orleans has spawned imitators as well, with "copycats" popping up in places such as Grand Rapids, Mich., and Tampa, Fla.

Organizers also have expanded the festivities beyond Saturday's run. The festival kicks off tonight with a pre-paid dinner at Rio Mar. Saturday night, Chickie Wah Wah will host a "Fiesta de Pantalones" concert featuring the band Los Po-Boy-Citos. And, on Sunday, "Pobre de Mi" will include a tapas brunch and first-ever Ernest Hemingway Contest at Chickie Wah Wah.

For the main event Saturday morning, participants should show up at the Three-Legged Dog before 8 a.m., preferably in white and red. Also, be prepared to run even harder: This year, the Big Easy Rollergirls will be assisted by "roller bulls" from derby teams from Houma, Baton Rouge, Jacksonville, Fla., and Houston.

"They've been instructed to hit hard, " O'Donnell said. "Every year people complain that they weren't hit hard enough."

---------------------------------------------------------------
SAN FERMIN IN NUEVA ORLEANS

What: Modeled after the centuries-old festival in Pamplona, Spain, runners are chased by 'roller bulls' with foam-core bats from one end of the Quarter to the other. Children may not participate in the run.

When: Saturday, 8 a.m.; lineup starts before 7 a.m.

Where: Starts at The Three-Legged Dog, 400 Burgundy St., and ends at Gazebo Cafe, 1018 Decatur St.

Information: For details on the route and related events, visit www.nolabulls.com.

An oldie but a goodie. -- David

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,

Vinnie

I got this photo in an email ...
You need to read the message on the cake and think about the wording for a minute before continuing to the explanation:

Someone called Wal-Mart (according to the email) to order a sheet cake for a going-away party.
The caller was asked what they wanted written on the cake.
The person ordering it said told the employee:
"I want it to say 'Best Wishes Suzanne,' and underneath that, 'We will miss you.'"

Voila!
The fact that "underneath" is misspelled is just ... ahem ... icing on the cake.

... what's the story behind this photo?

Passing along this funny item I received by email:

Entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a 2 line rhyme,
with the most romantic first line, and the least romantic second line.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.

4. I thought that I could love no other
The Wife said, until I met your brother.

5. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

6. I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

7. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Gosh, I'm good at telling lies!

8. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

9. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

And some people think poetry is boring?

I wasn't shoplifting! (Can anyone translate the French?)

A little tidbit from the late, great comedian Mitch Hedberg:

"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don’t even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here..."

From yesterday's "Click and Clack/Car Talk" desk calendar:

Tom: "A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body."

Ray: "It is better to travel in hope than arrive in despair."

I love to listen to "Car Talk" on NPR, with Tom and Ray Magliozzi, aka "Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers."

Although I don't listen to the show every week, which comes on at 10 a.m. Saturdays, I catch it as often as I can and always laugh along with these two fun-loving brothers who know so much about cars.
Recently, I watched their Nova documentary on "Future Cars" and thought they did a good job explaining the technology of such things as hydrogen fuel cells and electric cars.
They have a great website and one of the funniest things on it is when these two grown men try to imitate the sounds cars make when they are behaving badly.
Check it out for yourself right here.
For a guaranteed laugh, or at least a chuckle, click on #3 (rear), and then "Grandma."

Three professors from Boston face execution by electric chair.
The first one is strapped in and asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Harvard School of Divinity and I believe God intervenes on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and says, "I am from the Harvard School of Law and I believe justice intervenes on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. They figure the law is on the guy's side so they let him go, too.

The last one is strapped in and says, "I'm from MIT and I'll tell you right now, you won't electrocute anyone if you don't connect those two wires!"
-- from Click & Clack's Car Talk 2010 desk calendar